I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today. - Jarod Kintz

If love came in a cardboard tube, I’d probably send it priority mail. But I’d make you pay for shipping.

The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him.

I’m not going to lecture you on the error of your ways. Not until you fetch me a podium and a microphone. I’ll also need a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer.