Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard. And if you play with 'em too hard, they'll spew like a can of beer. I like to shake my daughter up, then hand her to people I don't like. "Hold her just a minute, would you?"

[about a clerk, after recounting a story he read in which someone presented a store cashier with a million dollar bill and asked for change]

(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have "testiculars"!