People suck, and that's my contention. I can prove it on a scratch paper and pen. Give me a fucking Etch-a-sketch, I'll do it in three minutes. The p… - Bill Hicks

"I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes."

I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.

Wouldn't you like to see a positive LSD story on the news? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition? Perhaps? Wouldn't that be interesting? Just for once? "Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."

Anybody can be a bum; all it takes is the right girl, the right bar and the right friends, and you are well… your buddies will see you off. They'll christen your dumpster for you.

I guarantee you Satan's gonna have no problems on this planet, 'cause all the women are gonna go: "What a cute butt!" "He's Satan." "You don't know him like I do." "He's the Prince of Darkness." "I can change him."