the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee. And I will pay more for that ability,” said John D., “than for any … - Dale Carnegie

"Thomas Edison said in all
seriousness: "There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the labour of
thinking"-if we bother with facts at all, we hunt like bird dogs after the facts that
bolster up what we already think-and ignore all the others! We want only the facts that
justify our acts-the facts that fit in conveniently with our wishful thinking and justify
our preconceived prejudices!
As Andre Maurois put it: "Everything that is in agreement with our personal desires
seems true. Everything that is not puts us into a rage."
Is it any wonder, then, that we find it so hard to get at the answers to our problems?
Wouldn't we have the same trouble trying to solve a second-grade arithmetic problem, if
we went ahead on the assumption that two plus two equals five? Yet there are a lot of
people in this world who make life a hell for themselves and others by insisting that two
plus two equals five-or maybe five hundred!"

Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude toward studies, we might say, “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better.” In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until he heard the word “but.” He might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. Credibility would be strained, and we probably would not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’s attitude toward his studies. This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and.” “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.

So the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.