It's been proven that people will take information from a female voice, but they will only take a warning from a male voice. Now that's its own Ameri… - John Mulaney

The greatest assembly of them all, once a year, Stranger Danger. [...] You are gathered together as a school and you are told never to talk to an adult that you don't know, and you are told this by an adult that you don't know.

I've been trying to follow the news more this year, I've been trying to be much more involved in the news. You know, I read that this week over two days, the Dow Jones dropped 929 points, and I can't tell you how frustraing it is to not know what that means. It's getting embarassing.

I like having a puppy that's a bulldog, 'cause it's like having a baby that is also a grandma.