This next song is about how sad I am. It's about all the sad stuff; just picture a depressed onion cutting itself. - Bo Burnham

I must be psychotic / I must be demented
To think that I'm worthy of all this attention
Of all of this money you worked really hard for
I slept in late while you worked at the drug store
My drug's attention / I am an addict
But I get paid to indulge in my habit
It's all an illusion / I'm wearing makeup
I'm wearing makeup, makeup, makeup

High school party, senior year
Boys and girls are all sippin' on beer
I like soda / Where's the soda?
Am I the only fuckin' person here that likes soda?

'Cause girls are like donuts when I be bustin' Bo nuts
I can make 'em cream-filled or give them a layer of glaze
I'm like Doug's friend Skeeter whenever I meet her
Because I skeet her so hard people call her Patty Mayonnaise