Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable. - Leo Rosten

Vun ting more I should say, so de cless shouldn´t fill too bed about Jake Popper. It´s awreddy nine yiss since he pest avay!”
“And I didn´t go to de funeral!” On this strange note, Mr. Kaplan took his seat.
The class hummed, protesting against this anticlimax which left so much to the imagination.
“Why you didn´t?” cried Mr. Bloom, with a knowing nod to the Misses Mitnick and Caravello.
Mr. Kaplan´s face was a study in sufferance. “Becawss de funeral vas in de meedle of the veek,” he sighed. “An´ I said to minesalf, “Keplen, you in America, so tink like de Americans tink!´ So I tought, an´ I didn´t go. Becawss I tought of dat dip American idea, ´Business before pleasure!

A young khokhem told his grandmother that he was going to become a doctor of philosophy. The bubbe smiled proudly: “Wonderful. But what kind of disease is ‘philosophy’?

The sages taught the Jews not to rejoice over another’s misfortune. “Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth” (Proverbs 24:17). (I must confess that I have always enjoyed gloating over the comeuppance suffered by the detestable, regardless of race, color, or creed.)