Leo Rosten Quotes

My mother would often end a lecture to me with the dour lament that her words were probably in vain: “Aroysgevorfne verter” (ah-ROYCE-ge-vor-f’neh VER-ter, meaning “Thrown out words”). Was ever a phrase more heartfelt?

The purpose of life is not to be happy at all. It is to be useful, to be honorable. It is to be compassionate. It is to matter, to have it make some difference that you lived.

Mr. Kaplan smiled back and answered promptly, “Vell, I´ll tell you about Prazidents United States. Fife Prazidents United States is Abram Lincohen, he vas freeink de neegers; Hodding, Coolitch, Judge Vashington, an´ Banjamin Franklin.”
Futher encouragement revealed that Mr. Kaplan´s literary Valhalla the “most famous tree American wriders” were Jeck Laundon, Valt Viterman, and the author of “Hawk l. Barry-Feen,” one Mock- tvain. Mr. Kaplan took pains to point out that he did not mention Relfvaldo Amerson because “He is a poyet, an´I´m talkink about wriders.

Where was it ever promised us that life on this earth can ever be easy, free from conflict and uncertainty, devoid of anguish and wonder and pain? … The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.

A shnorrer knocked on the door of the rich man’s house at six-thirty in the morning. The rich man cried, “How dare you wake me up so early?” “Listen,” said the shnorrer, “I don’t tell you how to run your business, so don’t tell me how to run mine.

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you just can't help it.

FOLK SAYING: “Better to be in Gehenna with a wise man than in Gan Eden [Paradise] with a fool.

A shnorrer came to the back door on his biweekly rounds. “I haven’t a penny in the house,” the baleboste said apologetically. “Come back tomorrow.” “Tomorrow?” said the shnorrer with a frown. “Lady, don’t let it happen again. I’ve lost a fortune, extending credit.

I have always loved the charming story about the brilliant young student who came to the old, learned rabbi and defiantly exclaimed, “I must tell you the truth! I have become an apikoyres. I no longer believe in God!” “And how long,” asked the elder, “have you been studying Talmud?” “Five years,” the student said. “Only five years,” sighed the rabbi, “and you have the nerve to call yourself an apikoyres?! …” aroysgevorfnY

If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.

A story in the Talmud relates that after the Israelites had safely crossed the Red Sea,* they sang a song of praise to God, but when the angels sought to join the triumphant paean, God thundered: “You shall not sing while my other children [the Egyptians] are drowning.

A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood. The writer wants to be understood much more than he wants to be respected or praised or even loved.

Jewish dropout: a boy who didn’t get his Ph.D. — ANON

In the Jewish communities of Europe, learned but poor Jews were much, much more highly respected than rich but unlearned ones.

Aroysgevorfne yorn (“years”), enunciated with a sigh deep from the diaphragm, or with bitterness, refers to the wasted years that can never be relived.