My eyes are so close together that when I cross my eyes, my… - Jarod Kintz

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My eyes are so close together that when I cross my eyes, my irises actually trade places. My skin is so craterous that Neil Armstrong annually rubs my face just to reminisce about his time on the moon. And my nose is so long that my penis is jealous. But enough about how handsome I am.

Jarod Kintz

Gosh, I probably shouldn't publish this. · January 29, 2012 Verified in 1 source Sign up to see the complete provenance

English

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About Jarod Kintz

Jarod Kintz is an American author of absurdist humor, known for self-published collections of surreal one-liners and random thoughts. His prolific, often meta-titled works include "This Book is Not for Sale," "99 Cents for Some Nonsense," and "This Book Title is Invisible," published largely through Amazon Kindle. Widely quoted online for his deadpan, nonsensical voice, he describes himself as a writer, absurdist, and duck farmer based in the American South.

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Groucho Marx Woody Allen Brandon Boyd Steven Wright Margaret Atwood

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I've been trying to start a garage band for over a decade now, but father won't move his car.

I’m interested in women as a whole, not simply as three holes.

Your fantasies define you, so dream carefully. A man with no imagination is a man with no future in today’s world — and no past in tomorrow’s.

My eyes are so close together that when I cross my eyes, my irises actually trade places. My skin is so craterous that Neil Armstrong annually rubs m… - Jarod Kintz

About Jarod Kintz

Additional quotes by Jarod Kintz