The Happy Eater! They're miserable as fuck! You go in the Happy Eater, you'll see a woman behind the counter at the deep fat frier like this [sobs] "… - Lee Evans

This bloke, I swear he's in any supermarket car park. He's great. He walks across the car park, and he's got one of those fobs, and he opens his car before he gets there. [posh voice] "Ha, ha, ha! I don't know if you saw what I just did there, but I actually opened my car door before I actually physically got there!"

You ever get lost with your wife in the car? You're completely lost, and they always say the same thing: "Oh, let's just go home. WE'RE FUCKING LOST!" "What, did you throw bread out the fucking window?"

We don't get telly round our way, sir! Yeah, we hang you buggers round our way, we do… No, we all came on the same coach, sir… Norwich, that's us, sir. There's a bloke on the fifth row going You're gonna die now, sir, you are!