Billy Connolly Quotes

Scottish actor and comedian

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Sir William Connolly, CBE (born 24 November 1942) is a Scottish stand-up comedian, musician, presenter, actor, and artist. He is sometimes known, especially in his native Scotland, by the nickname "The Big Yin" ("The Big One", a reference to his 6' height).

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Birth Name: William Connolly

Alternative Names: Sir William Connolly

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That man (Ronald Reagan, who was President of the USA at the time), he sits at that desk in the White House, and the button is there that can end the world: BOOM! My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television!

I know at least... oh my God, at least 127 words. And I still prefer "Fuck".

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

I came here on Concorde today... and I arrived before I fucking left!

No children were abused in the making of this show. No one was hurt and no Islamic cartoons were used. You know, for those of you that can't take a fucking joke.

Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time and you'll have the time of your life.

I was always confused with what was near-sight and what was far-sight. Now I'm not confused at all: I've got both, I don't give a fuck which is which.

Poos himself on stage, classic Billy

[Singing] "Oh, the big fire engine goes ding-a-ling-a-ling." No, it fucking doesn't. It used to.

I leave you with a complaint. Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... well, it's because the national anthem is boring.

You said, "If you're ever in Los Angeles we must have dinner"- well, he's here. That's not an invitation! Translated, it means: "You're a boring piece of shit, I'm off, I've had enough of you!"

[to the front of audience] What was I talking about? Can you remember, eh? What? [to audience at the back] Shut the fuck up, I'm talking to someone! [to front again] Button your cardigan, I can see your cleavage.

The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.

Recently, I turned 60... and even more recently, I turned 62. That was a bastard, I don't even remember the 61.