If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spo… - Mitch Hedberg

" "
If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don't follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-forward the parade.

Mitch Hedberg

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Biography information from Wikiquote

Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg

Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg

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David Sedaris Steven Wright Jarod Kintz Dylan Moran Karl Pilkington

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I like an escalator, because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just an, "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."

I wanna get a job naming kitchen appliance. Seems like the easiest job ever. You know, refrigerator, toaster, blender... You just say what the thing does and then you add '-er'. Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. "What's this do?" "It keeps shit fresh." "Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break."

Remember that show 'My Three Sons'? It'd be funny if it was called 'My One Dad'... wait, what?

If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don't follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite dir… - Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

Also Known As

Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg