Today likes to happen before tonight. Impatient, I guess. - Jarod Kintz

Last year I built a Courage Machine, but I thought it might be noisy and was too afraid to turn it on. So I coated it with glue, covered it with cat hair, mounted it on my wall, and started claiming it was an exotic animal I killed on a Safari in Africa. I'd like to believe people believe me, on account of it being so strange that it has to be true.

The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol.

Dogs have four legs, just like chairs. I would take mine for a walk, but I’m sitting on it.