My girlfriend has two aliases. Clones aside, it’s the only time I’ve ever felt like I was cheating on one person with the same person.

And then I realized I was being checked out by GUYS! And I know they were checking me out, because they were looking at me like I look at tacos. And I thought to myself, "Oh my god, I can turn on a man! [Grins and struts] Shoot!" And I called my girlfriend, and I said, "Baby, you better not mess this up; I have options!"

O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the marketplace.

"Now I'm going to make you angry again."
"Really?" I asked, drily. "Aren't you getting tired of that?"