Jews are not proselytizers.*Rabbis are required to make three separate efforts to discourage a would-be convert. - Leo Rosten

Two Jewish k’nockers, approaching Honolulu, got into an argument about the correct pronunciation of Hawaii: one was sure it was “Hawaii,” the other positive it was “Havaii.” They made a bet. When they got off the plane, they hurried over to the first native they saw and said, “Aloha! How do you pronounce the name of this island: Hawaii or Havaii?” “Havaii,” said the native. “Thank you.” “You’re velcome,” said the native.

On his first day in cheder, the boy’s mother and father would stand over him as the teacher pointed to the letters of the alef-bet (alphabet). The lad repeated the names of the Hebrew letters: alef … beyt … giml … daled … And for each name, his mother would give him a little honey cake or cookie, shaped in the form of that letter, or would put honey into his mouth, to eat with the cake — to show how sweet learning is.

Conservative: One who admires radicals a century after they're dead.