You don't even have to be able to talk. Just sing and get famous. 'Cause James Brown's been singin' 30 years. I don't know what the fuck James is tal… - Eddie Murphy

(Impersonating his father ranting drunkenly at the cookout) I'll tell you somethin', motherfucker! You can take your motherfuckin' hairy, fat-ass moustache bitch out the fuck!! You can go upstairs and get the motherfuckin' dog and scoop up the shit, and take Eddie and get these long, Angela Davis afro-wearin' motherfuckin' kids of yours and put them in the motherfuckin' guni-gugu-mobile and get the fuck out!!

(Impersonating his father, drunk at the family cookout) Gus?! What the fuck is wrong with your wife?! Why can't she walk a flight of steps?! You come here every year, Gus, and you burn down my motherfuckin' backyard, and your wife rips down the steps! Why?! I work hard to get my place beautiful! And then the motherfucker come over and rip the steps down! Look at the motherfuckin' steps, they're fucked up, Gus! Why can't she walk the steps? You know why she can't walk the steps? 'Cause she's a fat, hairy bitch!!

A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.