I have a nervous lips tick, so naturally I try to cover it up with lipstick. - Jarod Kintz

At the end of the universe you’ll find a door labeled “Do Not Enter.” No great mysteries are hidden there — it’s just a supplies closet.

Last weekend I went out of my comfort zone to go hang out with people I’d only heard about, and I met one new person who turned out to be a very valuable contact. I should try networking at my family reunions more often, because that’s how I finally met my dad.

Inviting the invading army over for dinner, buffet style, is a bad idea. Especially when I just took a bath in the last of your mac and cheese.