The stench of sewers mixed with mud, the smell of the odd crack of lightning, wind tugging at tiles, power lines, empty nests; the stifling heat behi… - László Krasznahorkai

So, doing nothing, he simply remained on the alert, careful to preserve his failing memory against the decay that consumed everything around him, much as he had done from the moment that he — once the closing of the estate had been announced and he personally had decided to stay behind and survive on what remained until “the decision to reverse the closure should be taken” — had gone up to the mill with the elder Horgos girl to observe the terrible racket of the abandonment of the place, with everyone rushing round and shouting, the trucks in the distance like refugees fleeing the scene, when it seemed to him that the mill’s death-sentence had brought the whole estate to a condition of near collapse, and from that day on he felt too weak to halt by himself the triumphal progress of the wrecking process, however he might try, there being nothing he could do in the face of the power that ruined houses, walls, trees and fields, the birds that dived from their high stations, the beasts that scurried forth, and all human bodies, desires and hopes, knowing he wouldn’t, in any case, have the strength, however he tried, to resist this treacherous assault on humanity; and, knowing this, he understood, just in time, that the best he could do was to use his memory to fend off the sinister, underhanded process of decay, trusting in the fact that since all that mason might build, carpenter might construct, woman might stitch, indeed all that men and women had brought forth with bitter tears was bound to turn to an undifferentiated, runny, underground, mysteriously ordained mush, his memory would remain lively and clear, right until his organs surrendered and “conformed to the contract whereby their business affairs were wound up,” that is to say until his bones and flesh fell prey to the vultures hovering over death and decay.

The light gave him hope but he was afraid of it too.

„Ne könyörögjünk! Mert értelmünk nem telt el az igazsággal, s nem dicsőültünk meg az Úr színe előtt. És ne fogadd el, Urunk, keserű gyülekezeted ajándékait, hiszen ebben a megszentelt házban néped a titkokon keresztül nem nyerte el az örök üdvösséget. És bizony méltó, igazságos, illő és üdvös, hogy bevalljuk mindezt, s most szomorúan visszalépjünk az imádságnak ebből az emberi munkával épített templomából, s így legyen ez a templom itt az el nem ért üdvösség háza és mennyei szentségek örökre elérhetetlen csarnoka.