It is actually a person’s rough edges and human imperfections that give others something to connect with. - Robert A. Glover

"Do you make cutting remarks or hurtful "jokes"? •​Do you embarrass them in public? •​Are you frequently late? •​Do you "forget" things they've asked you to do? •​Do you criticize them? •​Do you withdraw from them or threaten to leave? •​Do you let frustration build until you blow up at them? Ask the significant others in your life to give you feedback about your caretaking and emotional pukes. This information may be hard to hear and may trigger a shame attack, but it is important information for breaking out of the victim triangle."

Later, Elizabeth revealed to me (and several of her friends) how much safer she felt when I had my feelings. She was able to hear that I was upset about the car but that I didn’t think she was bad, and I wasn’t going to abandon her. The fact that I had such intensity about not letting her push me away actually made her feel secure and loved. As a result, she felt safe to stay connected to me and hear my feelings about the car.

"As they become aware of how much time and energy they spend trying to garner approval, they can begin living an inside-out kind of life. This means, rather than focusing outward for acceptance and approval, they turn inward. In doing so, they can begin asking themselves the important questions: "What do I want," "What feels right to me," "What would make me happy?