In the Catskills, it is claimed that an ingenious gentleman crossbred a Guernsey with a Holstein — to get a Goldstein. - Leo Rosten

Happiness, in the ancient, noble sense, means self-fulfillment — and is given to those who use to the fullest whatever talents God … bestowed upon them.

Two Martians who had landed in America happened to run into each other. “What’s your name?” asked the first. “4286. And yours?” “3359.” “That’s funny; you don’t look Jewish.

There is no truth in the observation that after Robert Briscoe, a Jew, was elected Lord Mayor of Dublin, the Irish began to see leprecohens.