Larry Bird looks like a bird, and Johnny Vagina looks like — hey, what is that in the sky? - Jarod Kintz

His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up.

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.

When I go off the grid, my main source of light will be fireflies. Oh, and the glow that will come from the epic love poem I am writing for you.