80 Quotes Tagged: sarcasm

We...we could be friends.'

We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we're not. At least, I'M not.

You want a friend in this city? [Washington, DC.] Get a dog!

..her smile, which was her pretty feature, was never so pretty as when her sprightly phrase had a scratch lurking in it.

أتحدى اسرائيل ان تفعل بنا مثلما فعلنا بأنفسنا

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.

"Mystics are all a bit funny in the head anyway," the priest added cynically, "which is why the church locks them all up in mental hospitals and euphemistically calls these institutions monasteries."

My psychosis was acting completely crazy.

"For the whole earth is the tomb of famous men; not only are they commemorated by columns and inscriptions in their own country, but in foreign lands there dwells also an unwritten memorial of them, graven not on stone but in the hearts of men. Make them your examples, and, esteeming courage to be freedom and freedom to be happiness, do not weigh too nicely the perils of war."

[Funeral Oration of Pericles]

If she hasn't learned to appreciate my sterling character and spectacular good looks by this time, it's not likely she will.

Don't sound so surprised. I have sensible moments, you know.

Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful!

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.

Aphorism, n. Predigested wisdom.

I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.

I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who shame themselves is ritual suicide.