A. P. Herbert Quotes

As my poor father used to say
In 1863,
Once people start on all this Art
Goodbye, moralitee!
And what my father used to say
Is good enough for me.

A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.

How proud upon your quarterdeck you stand,
Conductor, Captain of the mighty bus!
Like some Columbus you survey the Strand,</br>A calm newcomer in a sea of fuss.

People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.

Let's stop somebody from doing something!
Everybody does too much.

The race is run - the winner wears the laurels,
But you and I not empty go away;
For we have seen the least unkind of quarrels;
The young men glowing in the friendly way.
Let us be glad - but not because of winning,
Let us go home, to family today.
God make our Games a glorious beginning,
And hand in hand, together guide us on our way.

Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.

It is like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock, which not only is itself discredited but casts a shade of doubt over all previous assertions.

Nobody's wrong but England – and England's always wrong,
Too late – or else too early – too soft – or else too strong.
And when for once the wide world begins to praise her name
Her own sons crowd and hurry to shout her back to shame.

The Farmer will never be happy again;
He carries his heart in his boots;
For either the rain is destroying his grain
Or the drought is destroying his roots.

Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.

There's alcohol in plant and tree.
It must be Nature's plan
That there should be in fair degree
Some alcohol in Man.

The laws were very comical; to bet was voted lax,
But your betting was the only thing that nobody could tax.

Don't let's go to the dogs tonight,
For mother will be there.

For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.