Yahtzee Croshaw Quotes

British video game journalist and author (born 1983)

Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (born 24 May 1983) is a British-born, formerly-Australian based, currently American based game designer. He is currently making a series of video-reviews named Zero Punctuation for The Escapist, and uses his website Fully Ramblomatic to showcase his own work.

From: Wikiquote (CC BY-SA 4.0)

Alternative Names: Ben Croshaw

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All I can say is this: either every single member of that army had been promised a blow job of the Gods as soon as they got their queen back, or the Greeks invented brainwashing. (On the Greeks and the Trojan War, 31 May 2004)

Rest assured, Mogworld's not being entirely released online. Just the first part. I would still like your money. That would be lovely. (16 December 2010)

Also, you can't prove that there isn't a ghost of Bagpuss hovering right behind your head as you read this. He's right there, man! No, he disappeared right after you turned your head. I swear he's there. Look, he's back again now! (Meet the Crazy Moon Man)

The cake is vanilla; I asked for chocolate; The tears They will not stop. (Prince of Persia: Emo Warrior)

When she meets a powerful man she's more likely to try and blow him away than blow him off. Stop that erection right now, you sick, sick boy. Stop it! Concentrate, that's how! (Why it would kick arse to be Lara Croft)

And then we come to the physics engine. Oh, the physics engine, for which so much praise has been sung. What they say is all true. It is fantastic the way you can pick up boxes, the way they fall, the way they tip over, the way they smash into bits when you hit them. (On Half-Life 2, 26 November 2004)

It's easy to make games for kids, they're dumb little shits.

In answer to your first question, of course God was good in bed! He's perfect in every way! God not only knows the secret path to the clitoris, but he's also aware of a little nerve just underneath the right shoulder blade connected directly to a lady's pleasure centre! (Ask Yahtzee 3)

I have a very patchy memory of my childhood. It's one of the things about myself I'm most proud of. (More From the Poetry Corner)

Ctrl+Alt+Del is the Rubbish King, sitting proudly on a throne of rotting meat.

Ha, ha, ha! Never let it be said Americans are unconcerned about foreign countries. You're so nice to us you very kindly elected a complete vegetable as your president, so we can all point and laugh! (My Tribute to the U.S.)

Asking after my wellbeing is like asking after the wellbeing of someone in Sweden because a fire broke out in Portugal. Yes alright, Americans, go and look up where those countries are, I'll wait. (In reference to the fires in Victoria, Australia, 12 February 2009)

Most sensitive part of the male human physique, and he places it in almost the exact geological centre of the body, right between the legs, dangling down in it's own special bag. He might as well have painted them fluorescent orange and made the hair above it grow into the words 'your foot goes here'. (Where God Went Wrong)

...you could pick any two writers of equal skill, have them read each other's work, and they would both instantly proclaim each other the champion. Unless one of them happens to be Stephen King, because he's a jerk. (God Ran Out of Faces)

I'm not a great judge of my own work, me. I'm constantly referring to the ZP Wikiquote page to find out for myself what the funniest line that week was.