Yahtzee Croshaw Quotes

I don't post on forums or comments for the same reason I don't attempt to french kiss pneumatic drills. (24 January 2010)

So I'm eating Subway this evening when a beetle flies down and burrows into my sandwich. Never a bad time to start losing weight, is there. (6 October 2010)

I'm not misogynist. I resent that. I hate women, yes, but only because I hate everyone. (25 June 2010)

Since I long ago decided that I hated kids and never wanted to have them, my reproductive instinct has transferred to my creativity, I've always wanted to create works that will ensure I'm remembered after I die. I don't think I've done that yet, though.

Because as any nerd will tell you, our greatest weapon in the ongoing battle against those buff sporty types and the suave prettyboys are the Nerds With Girlfriends. Nothing infuriates them more. (Person Without Girlfriend)

You know what's so great about junk food? Fat people who eat too much die young from cholesterol poisoning! It's a problem that solves itself! (My Tribute to the U.S.)

There's something oddly satisfying about coughing up a particularly big mouthful of phlegm. Could almost let you skip breakfast. (1 April 2010)

[Downs Syndrome Winnie the Pooh] The minute I saw this in a catalogue I just fell about. It's so brave of Disney to introduce stuffed toys that represent serious illnesses in order to educate the little kiddies. Me, I just want this so I can make my very own 'Victorian Sanitarium' playset. Downs Syndrome Pooh will be kept perpetually in a bleak little cardboard cell, bullied by Doctor Action Man and Nurse Princess Leia, occasionally brought out to be brutally hosed down with cold water every week. I'm thinking of sending it to Hasbro. (Yahtzee's Christmas Wishlist)

Thinking about morality. If you had to choose, would you save one baby or five old people? What if the baby had a Hitler moustache? (31 December 2010)

We've learned that you should never trust English professors who stick computer chips in their arms, breakfast cereal mascots, Stephen King, the Borg collective, vegetarians, Christians, Microsoft Word helpers and people who put five exclamation marks on the ends of their statements. (I'm Off)

[PDP100 Duck Popcorn Maker] Actually I don't really want this, I just wanted to show you it, as this is the most disgusting popcorn maker I have ever seen. Actually this might be good for my Victorian Sanitarium playset. He could be the weak-stomached young doctor who keeps throwing up when they bring in Downs Syndrome Pooh for more experimental brain surgery. (Yahtzee's Christmas Wishlist)

"Those shells don't look very comfortable, miss." - Edited from the original script of the Little Mermaid (Chapter Eleven)

If you don't give a shit then you can only be pleasantly surprised, and I've been burnt too often by disappointment to fall for it again.

A 'relationship' occurs when two people run out of things to say to each other, so they shut each other up by putting their genitals in each other's mouths. A break up comes about when they run out of things to do with those, too. (11 November 2010)

I love having my conscious brain deactivated by a mindless repetitive task and the rest of it drifting off into the wonderful lands of make believe. (3 April 2007)