Top 15 Carol Burnett Quotes

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.

Comedy = tragedy + time.

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

Because nobody goes though life without a scar.

Cavort, dear, just cavort

I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned.

There's a quote of hers [Lucille Ball] that I've always loved: 'I guess I would rather regret the things I've done than to regret the things I've never done.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

The sidewalk was all cracked and wavy, like little hills, and the weeds pushed their way up through the cement. I had to roller-skate there anyway, because they wouldn't let me out of their sight, and they could watch me from the swing on the front porch of the old house. It was hard to skate there, and I kept falling down and getting sores on my knees...Sometimes, when they left me alone in 102 to go to the store, I'd turn on the radio and dance all around the room. I'd get on the furniture and jump from couch to the bed to the chair, leaping and twirling the whole time.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

"When I was little I would always stand in front of a mirror and cross my eyes. Then my mother would come in and say, "Stop that, nothing will ever come of it!

Carol, if you could be a member of the opposite sex for twenty-four hours, and then pop back and be yourself again, who would you be and what would you do?” My mind started racing like mad. Opposite sex? For twenty-four hours? Who would I be? What would I do? I said a quick little prayer. Please, let me just open my mouth and have whatever comes out make sense. I took a deep breath and what came out was this: “I’d be Osama bin Laden, and I’d kill myself.

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.