David Kessler Quotes

Each person's grief is as unique as their fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn't mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining.

When someone dies, the relationship doesn't die with them.

She realized that for the dying butterflies were a symbol of transformation, not of death, but of life continuing, no matter what. Although your relationship with your loved one will change after death, it will also continue, no matter what. The challenge will be to make it a meaningful one.

Your loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift, or a blessing. Loss is simply what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen

Disenfranchised grief is the result of a loss for which people do not feel they have a socially recognized right to grieve. Disenfranchised grief is often not openly mourned or approved of.

Years before we knew how to make it happen, President Kennedy said we would go to the moon. Louise Hay talked about the importance of our words to create actions. You can't just wake up and see if today is the day you'll act. Yoda from Star Wars was correct: "Do or do not, there is no try." Even a small decision makes a difference.

Whatever thoughts you water are the thoughts that will grow.

. . . even twins are not here to go on each other's journeys.

You have to cry your own tears because no one can do it for you.

Here are some thoughts that may guide you in understanding meaning: Meaning is relative and personal Meaning takes time. You may not find it until months or even years after loss Meaning doesn't require understanding. It's not necessary to understand why someone died in order to find meaning Even when you do find meaning, you won't feel it was worth the cost of what you lost Your loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift, or a blessing. Loss is simply what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen Only you can find your own meaning Meaningful connections will heal painful memories

When you hear someone repeating his grief story over and over, that means his grief has not been witnessed in a healthy way.

We must move slowly into the unknown of life after death.

we have more than opiates for pain, and we have more than anti-anxiety medication to combat fear and distress. We have the “who” and “what” we see before we die, which is perhaps the greatest comfort to the dying.

But when you're ready to hope again, you will be able to find it. Bad days don't have to be your eternal destiny.

One night I happened to come upon a documentary called Facing the Storm, about the buffalos in Montana. Robert Thomson of the Montana Department of Fish, Wildlife and Parks discussed how buffalo run into the storm, thus minimizing how long they will be in it. They don't ignore it, run from it, or just hope it will go away, which is what we often do when we want to avoid our storms of emotion. We don't realize that by doing this we're maximizing our time in the pain. The avoidance of grief will only prolong the pain of grief. Better to turn toward it and allow it to run its natural course, knowing that the pain will eventually pass, that one of these days we will find the love on the other side of pain.