Garrison Keillor Quotes

Du skal ikke tror at du er noget. “Don’t think you’re somebody.

Book is a gift that you can open again and again.

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?

A major cause of injury to children is parents rushing to the scene. The panic reflex. Some children love to scream for the thrill of making immense people move fast. I remember that, on a quiet day, my sister and I in the backyard wondered, “Where’s Mom?” Upstairs, we thought. So I screamed, “MOM.” She made it down in two seconds. A good pair of wheels for an old lady.

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

If it were not for the truth of fiction there would not be any truth at all.

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.

Free enterprise runs on self interest. This is socialism and it runs on loyalty . . . if people were going to live by comparison shopping, the town would go bust . . . If you live there you have to take it as a whole. That's loyalty.

I feel like a blind man searching a dark room.
(Old Man Alone on Labor Day Weekend — blog post)

First of all, most poems aren’t memorable; in fact, they make no impression at all. Sorry, but it’s true. There are brave blurbs on the back cover (“writes with a lyrical luminosity that reconceptualizes experience with cognitive beauty”) but you open up the goods and they’re like condoms on the beach, evidence that somebody was here once and had an experience but not of great interest to the passerby.

Women do not adore men; women are amused by men, we are a source of chuckles. That’s because women are the makers of life, and we aren’t. We will never be able to carry life within our bodies, never breast-feed. We get more than our share of loot and we are, for some reason, incredibly brave and funny and inventive, and yet our role in procreation basically is to get crazy and howl and spray our seed in all directions.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

Hurry up! Do it – get it done. You got work to do. Don’t put this off and don’t take the long view. Life is today and tomorrow, and if you are lucky, may be next week.