Jon Stewart Quotes

The press can hold its magnifying glass up to our problems bringing them into focus, illuminating issues heretofore unseen or they can use that magnifying glass to light ants on fire and then perhaps host a week of shows on the sudden, unexpected dangerous flaming ant epidemic.

And this, this, is their genius. Conservatives are not looking to make education more rigorous and informative, or science more empirical or verifiable, or voting more representative, or the government more efficient or effective. They just want all those things to reinforce their partisan, ideological, conservative viewpoint.

Free time is death to the anxious, and thank goodness I don't have any of it right now.

A Trump was a demon who sometimes appeared to us in quasi-human form in order to fire us from jobs we never wanted in the first place.

[Stump speeches] are to oratory what a stump is to a tree.

It has been eleven days, Stephen, eleven fucking days! Eleven! The presidency is supposed to age the president, not the public.

Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not divisive.

Those fighting to keep those people out - are.

People that worry about where they think they're going next generally don't end up where they think they're going. I just worry about what I'm doing now and try to make it good. When you've got too much of a master plan, it's going to fail.

I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.

Of course these minimum life requirements don't fully address what it means to be alive. For even beyond all the metabolic processes, there was also an intangible essence separating the living from the not. Call it a soul, or just a need we had. Every living thing possessed a certain energy or life-force that infused even the unicellular among us.

[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.

Newspapers abound, and though they have endured decades of decline in readership and influence, they can still form impressive piles if no one takes them out to the trash.

The enemy is noise. The goal is clarity.

I only quote Rabbinical text .. there is no dark secret .. there is no hidden agenda .. I'm merely an arbiter of biblical law.

The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.