Josh Billings Quotes

American humorist (1818–1885)

Henry Wheeler Shaw (21 April 1818 – 14 October 1885), most famous under his pen name Josh Billings, was an American humorist. He was perhaps the second most famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States in the 2nd half of the 19th century, after Mark Twain, although his reputation has not fared so well with later generations.

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Birth Name: Henry Wheeler Shaw

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"Familiarity breeds kontempt." This only applies tew men, not tew hot bukwheat slapkakes, well buttered and sugared.

The man who kan ware a paper collar a hole week and keap, it klean, aint fit for enny thing else.

I rather admire the insolent civility ov a bull-tarrier, who only growls when i pass by him, but i never did like it in a man.

Genuine grief iz like penitence, not klamorous but subdued; sorrow from the hous tops and penitence in a market place shows more ambishun than piety.

I hav often heard ov men who had bekum disgusted with the world, and retired into solitude; but i hav never heard ov a kommitty ov our fust citizens waiting on them and asking them tew kum bak.

Giv every one you meet, my boy, the time ov day and halff the road, and if that dont make him civil dont waste enny more fragrance on the cuss.

I don't kno az i want tew bet enny money, and giv odds, on the man, who iz alwus anxious tew pray out loud, every chance he kan git.

We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.

Menny people spend their time trieing tew find the hole whare sin got into this world--if two men brake through the ice into a mill pond, they had better hunt for sum good hole tew git out, rather than git into a long argument about the hole they cum tew fall in.

It iz a darned sight eazier tew find six men who kan tell exactly how a thing ought tew be did than tew find one who will do it.

The grate desire ov mi life iz tew amuze sumboddy. I had rather be able to set the multiplikashun table tew sum lively tune than tew hav bin the author ov it.

About one haff the pitty in this world iz not the result ov sorrow, but satisfackshun that it aint our hoss that haz had hiz leg broke.

I think that a hen who undertakes tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarily neglekt sum other branch ov bizzness.

Pedantry iz the science ov investing what little yu know in one kind ov perfumery, and insisting upon sticking that under every man's knose whom you meet.

Don't mistake vivacity for wit, thare iz about az mutch difference az thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug.

Josh Billings Quotes

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