Top 15 Josh Billings Quotes

American humorist (1818–1885)

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Henry Wheeler Shaw (21 April 1818 – 14 October 1885), most famous under his pen name Josh Billings, was an American humorist. He was perhaps the second most famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States in the 2nd half of the 19th century, after Mark Twain, although his reputation has not fared so well with later generations.

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Birth Name: Henry Wheeler Shaw

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There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. (p. 235)

As a gineral thing, when a woman wares the britches, she has a good rite tew them.

I am poor, and I am glad that i am, for i find that wealth makes more people mean than it duz generous.

Their is one advantage in a plurality of wifes; tha fite each other, insted ov their husbands.

The wealth ov a person should be estimated, not bi the amount he haz, but bi the use he makes ov it.

A man's reputashun iz something like hiz coat, thare iz certain kemikals that will take the stains and grease spots out ov it, but it alwus haz a second-handed kind ov a look, and generally smells strong ov the kemikals.

We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy--i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.

7 per cent haz no rest, nor no religion, it works nights, and Sundays, and even wet days.

Take awl the prophecys that hav cum tew pass, and awl that hav caught on the center, and failed tew cum tew time, and make them up in an average, and yer will find, that buying stock, on the Codfish Bank ov Nufoundland, at 50 per cent, for a rise, iz, in comparison, a good spekulatiff bizziness.

When i see a poor, and proud aristokrat, purtiklar about punktillio, he alwus puts me in mind ov a drunken man, trieing tew walk a crack.

I hope i shall never hav so much reputashun that i shan't feel obliged to be alwus civil.

I had rather be a pot-bellied seed cowcumber, flung carelessly on a wood pile to ripen, than tew be an old bachelor.

Marrying for buty iz a poor spekulashun, for enny man who sees yure wife, has got just about az mutch stock in her as yu have.

Thare iz this mutch kan be sed in favour ov good-breeding, it iz the only thing that kan make a phool endurable.

I never hav seen a bigot yet but what had a small and apparently braneless hed--bit i hain't seen all the bigots, yu know.