Judy Sheindlin Quotes

said on nearly every episode, when interrupted by a litigant: I'm speaking!

If I could fine you for stupid, I would fine you for stupid.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory. If you lie, you're always tripping over your own tie. ("If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" - Mark Twain)

Judy: [after catching defendant in a lie; he admitted that he was living with his witness when a few moments earlier he had said he wasn't] PERFECT! So now you're living back together again. And why, Nick, did you feel as if it was necessary to lie to me a moment ago? Defendant: I... have been staying in Minneapolis every now and then... but I... didn't mean to lie to you. Judy: There's another reason, Nick. Defendant: There's no reason to lie. I'm sorry. Judy: Well... Defendant's Witness: Not many people know that he is staying there with me. Judy: Now ten million people know that he's staying with you. [Audience laughs]

to a defendant's witness wearing a T-shirt reading "BEER EQUALS FUN": Mr. Gordon, that's a ridiculous shirt that you chose to wear to court today. ... I don't know what kind of statement you thought you were making, but if you wanted to leave the impression on this piece of tape that you're going to have on posterity for your children that you are an intelligent, thinking person, that shirt you're wearing belies that fact.

(To a legal intern) Would you mind telling me who you blackmailed, bribed, or slept with to get that diploma? I'd like to mail them a sympathy card.

NO it wasn't a gift, you FOOL!

Your lawsuit is such a crock of baloney.

"Yep" is not an answer!

I got you ten ways from Sunday, madam!

You're irritating me. It's not a good thing to start off by irritating the person who's supposed to decide your case.

to a mother of three suing the defendant for an assault: You don't belong out at a club [at] 12:30 at night when you have a one-year-old, a two-year-old, a five-year-old and a 12-year-old! You belong HOME, reading them stories from a BOOK!

to a defendant who claimed he was receiving Worker's Compensation for a bad knee: Well, what did you think you were going to do for UPS, deliver babies?

Let me tell you something: if you live to be a hundred, you'll never be as smart as I am in one finger.

You say no, I say yes; I win, I'm the judge. Goodbye.