Top 15 Lily Tomlin Quotes

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

"I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody."

The road to success is always under construction

Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.

Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

The best mind altering drug is the truth.

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then — we elected them.