Mark Twain Quotes

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.

In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.

Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four..

Familiarity breeds contempt and children.