British journalist, essaist and non-fiction writer
Oliver Burkeman (born 1975) is a British journalist (principally for the British newspaper The Guardian) and writer.
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When you give up the unwinnable struggle to do everything, that's when you can start pouring your finite time and attention into a handful of things that truly count. When you no longer demand perfection from your creative work, your relationships, or anything else, that's when you're free to plunge energetically into them. And when you stop making your sanity or self-worth dependent on first reaching a state of control that humans don't get to experience, you're able to start feeling sane and enjoying life now, which is the only time it ever is.
Reassurance can actually exacerbate anxiety: when you reassure your friend that the worst-case scenario he fears probably won't occur, you inadvertently reinforce his belief that it would be catastrophic if it did. You are tightening the coil of his anxiety, not loosening it. All to often, the Stoics point out, things will not turn out for the best.
And here lies the essential between Stoicism and the modern-day 'cult of optimism.' For the Stoics, the ideal state of mind was tranquility, not the excitable cheer that positive thinkers usually seem to mean when they use the word, 'happiness.' And tranquility was to be achieved not by strenuously chasing after enjoyable experiences, but by cultivating a kind of calm indifference towards one's circumstances.
Rendering yourself more efficient — either by implementing various productivity techniques or by driving yourself harder — won't generally result in the feeling of having 'enough time,' because, all else being equal, the demands will increase to offset any benefits. Far from getting things done, you'll be creating new things to do.
reminded that in reality this isn't the case. Nor is this a phenomenon confined to megalomaniacs or pathological narcissists, but something much more fundamental to being human: it's the understandable tendency to judge everything from the perspective you occupy, so that the few thousand weeks for which you happen to be around inevitably come to feel like the linchpin of history, to which all prior time was always leading up. These self-centered judgments are part of what psychologists call the "egocentricity bias," and they make good sense from an evolutionary standpoint. If you had a more realistic sense of your own sheer irrelevance, considered on the timescale of the universe, you'd probably be less motivated to struggle to survive, and thereby to propagate your genes.
Treat your to-read pile like a river, not a bucket
To return to information overload: this means treating your "to read" pile like a river (a stream that flows past you, and from which you pluck a few choice items, here and there) instead of a bucket (which demands that you empty it).
[ ...] Coming at life this way definitely entails tough choices. But it's liberating, too, as you slowly begin to grasp that you never had any other option. There's no point beating yourself up for failing to clear a backlog (of unread books, undone tasks, unrealized dreams) that it was always inherently unfeasible to clear in the first place.
oliverburkeman dot com slash river
John Maynard Keynes saw the truth at the bottom of all this, which is that our fixation on what he called "purposiveness" — on using time well for future purposes, or on "personal productivity," he might have said, had he been writing today — is ultimately motivated by the desire not to die. "The 'purposive' man," Keynes wrote, "is always trying to secure a spurious and delusive immortality for his actions by pushing his interests in them forward into time. He does not love his cat, but his cat's kittens; nor in truth the kittens, but only the kittens' kittens, and so on forward forever to the end of cat-dom. For him, jam is not jam unless it is a case of jam tomorrow and never jam today. Thus by pushing his jam always forward into the future, he strives to secure for his act of boiling it an immortality." Because he never has to "cash out" the meaningfulness of his actions in the here and now, the purposive man gets to imagine himself an omnipotent god, whose influence over reality extends infinitely off into the future; he gets to feel as though he's truly the master of his time. But the price he pays is a steep one. He never gets to love an actual cat, in the present moment. Nor does he ever get to enjoy any actual jam. By trying too hard to make the most of his time, he misses his life.