Robert Asprin Quotes

All the years he’d spent fooling himself into thinking that what he did was correct was simply time wasted from his life, on delusions and fantasies that kept him from seeing what he was and where he was inevitably headed with genuine clarity.

The more I learn about history, the more savage I find it was.

A tiny whisper at the back of her mind warned her to be wary of what one asked the gods for, lest they grant it.

Bull Morgan was just the right man for the job, a man who found the law useful in how far it could occasionally be bent to save a friend.

Kit chuckled. “You, Bull Morgan, are a wicked judge of human character.”
“Hell, Kit, thought you’d figured it out by now: all human character is wicked. Just varies in degree is all.”

Skeeter just couldn’t figure out what was so horrible about taking a good, long, clear-eyed look at one’s past and facing whatever one found in it. Making up the past to fit whatever idea some politically correct group wanted to pass off as reality this week seemed a lot more dangerous to him than facing brutal facts.

The more chaotic the world, the greater the need for ritual.

Skeeter thought dark, vile thoughts at bureaus and the bureauc-rats that ran ’em.

The death of the wildebeest herd didn’t change the bloody savagery she’d witnessed in the Roman Circus, but it put life and death in much clearer perspective. Nature wasn’t any nobler or gentler than human beings. It was just as deadly and just as cruel and just as savagely “unfair” to the weak...
Maybe more so.

But—as Kit and Sven had been so fond of saying—the Universe didn’t give beans for “fair.” It simply was. You got it right or paid the price.

Malcolm had forgotten how very young eighteen was, with its mixture of invincible assuredness, fragile emotions, and the desperate need to be taken seriously—even when caught in complete ignorance.

She's young, Kit."
"That's no excuse. The universe doesn't give a damn when it squashes you.

Education," he smiled, "is never a waste of time.

Oh. I was beginning to worry."
"You do that," Kit laughed. "I like it better when you're worried. Proves you're thinking."
She put out a pink tongue. "You're mean and horrible. Why does everybody else like you?"
Kit scratched his head. "Search me. Guess it's my good looks and charm.

Uncle Sven and I are about to start your first lesson in survival theory."
She gave them both a dubious glance. "That being?"
Sven guffawed. "When the fight starts, be someplace else. And always remember, nobody watches your butt for you when it's You versus the Universe—and Margo, the universe just don't give a damn.