Steven Wright Quotes

American comedian

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Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an Academy Award winning American comedian, writer and actor, known for his bizarre comic style and morose stage persona.

Bio from: Wikiquote (CC BY-SA 4.0) · Portrait adapted from: Wikimedia Commons, 48states at English Wikipedia (CC BY-SA)

Birth Name: Steven Alexander Wright

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Harold was fascinated about how babies were made. Not the actual sex act.
Meaning how easy and simple it was and how any two jerks could do it.
He saw people who had made children and he knew they couldn't change the battery in a car or build a fence or would take 40 minutes to untangle a set of Christmas lights.
He knew it was easier to make a baby than it was to make a cake.

She smelled too. Like a 22 year old girl. He tried to place that smell but he couldn't.

It seemed like a mixture of skin lotion and confidence.

THERE ARE NO OTHER PEOPLE, WE ARE THE OTHER PEOPLE

In Ms Yuka's class he once wrote a poem about it called:

'Listen'
The last lines were -

I know you know you do it,
it doesn't matter to you at all
you just want to keep on
talking
a verbal waterfall

The imagining part of the factory in his head

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Ho l’orologio che va avanti di tre ore ma non sono mai riuscito ad aggiustarlo. Così da Los Angeles mi sono trasferito a New York.

Looking at the wingless angel Harold firmly believed her shadow should be in color.

two piss holes in the snow.

"The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "right here, officer". Later, I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all the cars, "Get out of my driveway!

Harold thought how weird and strange it must be to be a girl. He was glad he wasn’t one because he didn’t think he would be able to do that. Or he wouldn’t want to do that. It’s probably good that you are what you are and that’s it. You don’t get to be both then choose after testing them out. This was in the 1960s not like many many years later when it would become like going through a sexual identity salad bar.

Wright, Steven. Harold (pp. 21-22). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

"I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate, "Isn't this amazing? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do I know you?

"It became a routine for Harold that whenever Ms. Yuka said: "May I have your attention."
Under his breath he would say:
"Get your own attention.