Todd Snider Quotes

It's an issue for me
I went to see this therapist
She said just do the best you can do
Do the best you can do
I was hoping for something more specific

By the time that he mowed the last man down
He was high as he had ever been
Laughing to the sounds of the world going around
Completely unaware of the win
And while the papers would say he was scattered that day
He was pretty as a pitcher could be
The day Dock Ellis of the pittsburgh pirates
Threw a no hitter on lsd

Conservative Christian, right-wing Republican
Straight white American males
Gay-bashing, black-fearing
War-fighting, tree-killing
Regional leaders of sales
Frat-housing, keg-tapping
Shirt-tucking, back-slapping
Haters of hippies like me
Tree-hugging, peace-loving
Pot-smoking, porn-watching
Lazy-ass hippies like me

(Spoken) So I called my brother... he was living in Austin. He had these friends who were letting him stay on their couch, and I figured they might have a couch that I could stay on. So, I got this ride to Austin, Texas and got to this address my brother gave me, and this guy introduced himself as "Bonehead." And I went in and started asking around; turned out they didn't have the second couch, they just had the one couch, uh, for my brother. But they knew where there was a party, and I thought, well, that's good enough.

I'm gonna make my last stand
This time I can't be bought
Then again, on the other hand
How much have you got?

You know, this war on drugs is funded by tobacco and alcohol commissions. It's not what drugs you're strung out on they care about so much as whose.
People still dig drugs. I mean, y'all do, anyway. I'm over it.

They say the average bank robber lives within say about 20 miles of the bank that he robs
There's this little bank not so far from here I've been watching now for a while
Seems like lately alls I can think about is how bad I wanna go out in style

You internet people scare the shit out of me.

A man once said that the pinnacle of success
Was when you've finally lost interest
In money, compliments, and publicity
A noble enough idea I suppose
How on Earth he does this heaven only knows
I know I need a lot more of all three of those
Before I'll ever have the nerve to turn up my nose
At any money, or compliments, or publicity

Making money out of paper, making paper out of trees
We’re making so much money we can hardly breathe

Republicans... That's what scares people these days.
That, and uh, Democrats.

I was looking for a job when I found this one
Don't need the work like you need the work done
You look like you're under pressure
I was already looking for a job two weeks ago, when I met you, remember?

(Spoken) You get out in the desert and there's no signs. And of course it was just me and all my friends, it was all guys in the car, so we drove about another two and a half hours before we ever pulled over and asked anybody where we was. And we were on this thing called the Devil's Backbone Highway, right, so we finally pull into this place uniquely named "The Devil's Backbone Tavern." We go in, and all the guys say I gotta go in, you know. And so I go in there, and it's one of them bars, like everyone's drinking beer and there are like, say, twenty people in there and they have maybe, say, seventeen teeth total in the whole place. And I'm not a good fighter, or very good at protecting myself at all, you know! And I thought, well this could - this may not work out. So I saw behind the bar there was this one older woman; she looked like she was in her eighties and she kinda hunched over like I remember my grandma started to do, she kinda, she had curly white hair, and she's all... I thought, well, I could take her...

With good behavior I'll be out in seven years
Don't worry over me or shed any tears
I've learned a lot in here and I know what a chance I blew
The next time I won't make the same mistake
I'll shoot the camera out too
I'm learning all kinds of things you can do
When you're broke

I don't know much about that whole grunge thing.