Will Cuppy Quotes

Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.

On the fourth voyage, Columbus sailed along the coast of Central America trying to find the mouth of the Ganges River. It wasn't there, somehow.

She was the most intelligent woman of her day and she refused to get married in nine languages.

Infant wart hogs resemble both sides of the family.

Egyptologists say they have no idea what Khufu was doing when he was not building pyramids, since he left no inscriptions describing his daily activities, and they would give a good deal to know. Then they say he had six wives and a harem full of concubines. They do not seem to make the connection, but you get it and I get it. We do not need any hieroglyphics to inform us that Khufu dropped around occasionally to see how things were getting along and to tell the ladies how many cubic yards of limestone he had laid that afternoon.

During part of her childhood, Elizabeth was illegitimate. In 1534, Parliament ruled that it was treason to believe her illegitimate. In 1536, it was treason to believe her legitimate. Signals were changed again in 1543, and again in 1553. After that you could believe anything.

Montezuma had a weak and vacillating nature. He never knew what to do next. [Footnote: He had the courage of his convictions, but he had no convictions.]

Captain Smith reached Virginia on April 26, 1607, with a number of English gentlemen and some people who were willing to work. Then they all held a meeting to discuss ways and means of civilizing everybody. They made a great many speeches and accused each other of various crimes and misdemeanors and arrested some of themselves as an object lesson, and American history was started at last.

I think you are absolutely right about everything, except I think humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

Male penguins are unfaithful up to an advanced age, a phenomenon sometimes attributed to the sea air.

[Footnote] The Mexicans gave the Spaniards malaria, and the Spaniards gave the Mexicans smallpox, whooping cough, diphtheria, and syphilis. The Spaniards believed it was better to give than to receive.

A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.

The average sparrow is something of a bore and the trouble is that all sparrows are average.

Aristotle described the Crow as chaste. In some departments of knowledge, Aristotle was too innocent for his own good.

[Footnote:] Aristotle maintains that the neck of the Lion is composed of a single bone. Aristotle knew nothing at all about Lions, a circumstance which did not prevent him from writing a good deal on the subject.