Wilson Mizner Quotes

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

You can't be a rascal for 40 years and then cop a plea the last minute. God keeps better books than that.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.

It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.

If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.

Be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet them on the way down.

if you copy from one author, it’s plagiarism, but if you copy from many, it’s research.

Tell 'em to count to ten over him and he'll get up.

I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.

Stop dying. Am trying to write a comedy.

Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore.

It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

Harry Thaw shot the wrong architect.

...a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottom boat.