Wilson Mizner Quotes

I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.

Be nice to people on your way up because you will meet them on your way down.

If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.

Tell 'em to count to ten over him and he'll get up.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

if you copy from one author, it’s plagiarism, but if you copy from many, it’s research.

Treat a whore like a lady and a lady like a whore.

When you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

Stop dying. Am trying to write a comedy.

Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.

It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.

You can't be a rascal for 40 years and then cop a plea the last minute. God keeps better books than that.

...a trip through a sewer in a glass-bottom boat.