I might kiss you.
I might be bad at it.
That's not possible.

Oh, do not scowl at me, reader, I do not intend to convey the impression that I did not manage to be happy.

"I do not pretend, of course, that I have never done it; mere politeness forces one to it; there are women who sulk and grow bellicose unless one at least makes the motions of kissing them. But what I mean is that I have never found the act a tenth part as agreeable as poets, the authors of musical comedy librettos, and (on the contrary side) chaperones and the gendarmerie make it out. The physical sensation, far from being pleasant, is intensely uncomfortable — the suspension of respiration, indeed, quickly resolves itself into a feeling of suffocation — and the posture necessitated by the approximation of lips and lips is unfailingly a constrained and ungraceful one. Theoretically, a man kisses a woman perpendicularly, with their eyes, those "windows of the soul," synchronizing exactly. But actually, on account of the incompressibility of the nasal cartilages, he has to incline either his or her head to an angle of at least 60 degrees, and the result is that his right eye gazes insanely at the space between her eyebrows, while his left eye is fixed upon some vague spot behind her. An instantaneous photograph of such a maneuvre, taken at the moment of incidence, would probably turn the stomach of even the most romantic man, and force him, in sheer self-respect, to renounce kissing as he has renounced leap-frog and walking on stilts."

The last time you kiss someone does not have to feel like you are losing them in a war.

No, no, you needn’t slap me; I am not at all hysterical.

I'm not saying I'm amazing or anything, but I'm decent-looking. Why shouldn't a decent-looking girl expect to be kissed?

'As a general rule you shouldn't expect too much from people darling,' and then I kiss her on the cheek.

Kissing a girl because she lets you is like scratching a place that doesn't itch!

"Is kissing you generally considered a joyful affair?" -

I hope I am not of subnormal intelligence,

I am not insane, I'm just queer.

I'm not insane, sir," I said. "I have a finely calibrated sense of acceptable risk.

I won’t kiss you. It might get to be a habit and I can’t get rid of habits.

If you are kissing your child or wife, say that it is a human being whom you are kissing, for when the wife or child dies, you will not be disturbed.