If you want me, you’d better hurry. Act now, supplies are limited. - Jarod Kintz

There’s fool’s gold — pyrite — and then there’s fool’s gold — gold owned by idiots willing to trade it for worthless dollars.

The bad news is the butcher’s dead. The good news is there’ll be no need for a funeral, and I’ve got enough meat to last for weeks.

One word I’d use to describe space is lonely. The only way I’ll board a space shuttle is if I had a babysitter with me. You know, to watch the baby I’ll make with her.