Yes, there were times when I forgot not only who I was but that I was, forgot to be.

Yes, there were times when I forgot not only who I was, but that I was, forgot to be.

Did I suffer from depression? Yes, a little, from time to time. Yes. … I'm not as depressed as I was. I get depressed now and then but not very much anymore. … At the height of it it was just God-awful. It was really bad.

If I forgot what I have not been, I would forget myself.

I thought much about myself. That is to say I often took a quick look at myself, closed my eyes, forgot, began again.

Somewhere among the commotion I grew rather depressed. The depression stayed with me for over a year; it was like an animal, a well-defined, spatially localizable thing. I would wake up, open my eyes, listen-is it here or isn’t it? No sign of it. Perhaps it’s asleep. Perhaps it will leave me alone today. Carefully, very carefully, I get out of bed. All is quiet. I go to the kitchen, start breakfast. Not a sound. TV-Good Morning America, David what’s-his-name, a guy I can’t stand. I eat and watch the guests. Slowly the food fills my stomach and gives me strength. Now a quick excursion to the bathroom, and out for my morning walk-and here she is, my faithful depression: “Did you think you could leave without me?" I had often warned my students not to identify with their work. I told them, “if you want to achieve something, if you want to write a book, paint a picture, be sure that the center of your existence if somewhere else and that it’s solidly grounded; only then will you be able to keep your cool and laugh at the attacks that are bound to come." I myself had followed this advice in the past, but now I was alone, sick with some unknown affliction; my private life was in a mess, and I was without a defense. I often wished I had never written that fucking book.

But during the course of my music career, there was A lot of back and forth, there was a lot of inconsistencies because I was really battling with myself and the calling. It took a lot of grace to finally come to the period of surrender. Even before I surrendered, I went through a lot of depression, addictions and periods of secluding myself. During those periods, I prayed A lot to God. I cried out a lot to God. It went from just leave me alone, God, to do what you want to do. Because I felt that every attack I was having in my music career was because I wasn’t walking in my calling

I've always had these bouts of depression; I hide them well but doesn't mean they aren't there. … I didn't have anyone around for whom I had to put on a cheerful mask. The thing with pretending you're in a good mood is that sometimes you can actually trick yourself into feeling better.

Si me olvidase de lo que no he sido, me olvidaría de mí.

Ever since puberty, ever since I was 11 or 12, I've had cyclical depression. That's something that has been a defining feature of my life as an adult. It's manageable. But it's real. And it doesn't take away from my joy or my work or my energy, but coping with depression is something that is part of the everyday way that I live and have lived for as long as I can remember.

The thought of this could sometimes weigh me down because I wanted so much to be someone. I wanted so much to be special.

One-minute I am myself, the next minute I am Nomaswazi or Dr Zondo. At some point it felt like I was suffering from bipolar. I would struggle to get time to detox these characters and had to do justice to all of them.

As long as I was playing someone else, I was fine. When I had to be myself, my problems began.

Sometimes I don't know whether I'm real or whether I'm a character in one of my novels.