Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people they're silly and fucking irritating. - Doug Stanhope

We live in a world where people will have a GPS and a crucifix on the same dashboard — and you want me to have hope for these fuckin' monkeys on swing-sets?

At least black people knew when they were slaves. You remain clueless.

[on people who join the military] As long as the people who kinda wanna go kill other people are going to go kill other people who kinda wanna go kill other people, you're killing all the right people and opening up all the best parking spaces.