The best way to hide a body is to convert it to saltwater and then dump it in the ocean. But whatever you do, do not drink it! - Jarod Kintz

I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.

I wish I had eyes that changed colors from blue to gray, and then after I cried, to all the colors of the rainbow, because then I’d just sit in front of the mirror writing poems that alternated between extremely sad poems, to poems about light refraction and blinking promises.

Growing up, my parents never gave me as much as I wanted for my birthday. For example, one year I wanted a yo-yo, and they ended up giving me some wound up string. Gee, thanks, mom.