One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds… - Jarod Kintz

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One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at has blurred features and therefore is as beautiful as an impressionistic painting?

Jarod Kintz

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Groucho Marx Woody Allen Brandon Boyd Steven Wright Margaret Atwood

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Ink is drinkable and printable. The words “I love you” don’t take up much space, but they can quench your thirst forever.

This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a patch of Bigfoot’s fur, and a patch of land on Pluto (limit one per customer).

If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.

One of the side effects of Viagra is blurred vision. Sounds great! When I’m taking a pill to pop a stiffy, how great is it that any woman I look at h… - Jarod Kintz

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Additional quotes by Jarod Kintz