The attentions of others matter to us because we are afflicted by a congenital uncertainty as to our own value, as a result of which affliction we te… - Alain de Botton

Our sense of identity is held captive by the judgements of those we live among.

In a secularising world, art has replaced religion as a touchstone of our reverence and devotion.

Once a partner has begun to lose interest, there is apparently little the other can do to arrest the process. Like seduction, withdrawal suffers under a blanket of reticence. The very breakdown of communication is hard to discuss, unless both parties have a desire to see it restored. This leaves the lover in a desperate situation. Honest dialogue seems to produce only irritation and smothers love in the attempt to revive it. Desperate to woo the partner back at any cost, the lover might at this point be tempted to turn to romantic terrorism, the product of irredeemable situations, a gamut of tricks (sulking, jealousy, guilt) that attempt to force the partner to return love, by blowing up (in fits of tears, rage or otherwise) in front of the loved one. The terroristic partner knows he cannot realistically hope to see his love reciprocated, but the futility of something is not always (in love or in politics) a sufficient argument against it. Certain things are said not because they will be heard, but because it is important to speak.

Every adult life could be said to be defined by two great love stories. The first — the story of our quest for sexual love — is well known and well charted, its vagaries form the staple of music and literature, it is socially accepted and celebrated. The second — the story of our quest for love from the world — is a more secret and shameful tale.