There’s bloodstains on my carpet, so I can’t have any vampi… - Jarod Kintz

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There’s bloodstains on my carpet, so I can’t have any vampire over, lest they lick they carpet while I’m urinating on it. Ugh, first world problems.

Jarod Kintz

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Groucho Marx Woody Allen Brandon Boyd Steven Wright Margaret Atwood

Additional quotes by Jarod Kintz

I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to participate in my choreographed dance routine, bring a football helmet and a half empty can of tuna (keeps the stray cats away, because I perform in a gritty, grimy downtown alley).

My sole possession is my passion, for no one can rob me of it. More fiery than love, it does not depend on another to blaze.

My wife loves window shopping. As for me, I’m more into curtains.

There’s bloodstains on my carpet, so I can’t have any vampire over, lest they lick they carpet while I’m urinating on it. Ugh, first world problems. - Jarod Kintz

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Additional quotes by Jarod Kintz