Love is like a summer rainstorm in winter. Where I’m from that’s called romance. Where you’re from that may be called snow. - Jarod Kintz

I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll ask for a straw.

The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content.

I know she is going on vacation, so I knitted her a sweater. It matches the bathing suit I knitted her, and it’s as revealing as my feelings for her.