All of which is to say that how you help matters just as much as that you do help, which is why it is essential to begin by asking, “How can I help?”… - James E. Ryan

How can I help?” If you start with this question, you are asking, with humility, for direction. You are recognizing that others are experts in their own lives, and you are affording them the opportunity to remain in charge, even if you are providing some help.

We assumed we were justified in condemning Lee. Rakesh, however, taught us not to be so sure, and he demonstrated how prone we are to make arguments and judgments based on false assumptions.

When faced with difficult conversations or emotionally charged situations, it is always a challenge to pause to ask if you have all of the facts you need to draw fair conclusions. It is easy — too easy — simply to react, often passionately and often based on assumptions rather than facts. Reminding yourself to ask “Wait, what?” is a way to guard against jumping too quickly to conclusions.

Asking “Wait, what?” is also a good way to avoid jumping to conclusions or making snap judgments. Too often we decide very early whether we agree or disagree with someone or with an idea, without making an effort to truly understand the person or the point.